I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
