I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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