If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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