my vag is so smooth its legendary
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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