i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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