She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
