the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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