I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
