I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
