I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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