You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
