Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
