we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
