Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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