would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
