so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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