Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
