there's paper in my vomit.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
