WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
