After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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