I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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