So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
