why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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