Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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