He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
