Duck Duck Cougar?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
