I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
