You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
