I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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