i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
