i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
