I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
