how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
