It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
