oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
