john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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