if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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