All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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