Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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