I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
