now i know why i became what i already was.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
