He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
