OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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