is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
