just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
