Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
