What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
