i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
