He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
