a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He better not be in your backpack
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
that may or may not have been my penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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