can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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