trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
